Training Team Course

Lesson One:       Discovering Path Number 1: Mastery of Interpersonal Relationships

Key concepts in this lesson are:

·        Personal style assessment

·        Nine critical team roles

·        Basic communication skills

·        Influencing skills

Questions you will be able to answer after completing the lesson are:

What are the four personality style quadrants?

How to determine your style and that of others in your group?

How to work effectively with the other three personality styles unlike your own?

What are the nine team member roles that must be fulfilled by various members of your group?

What are the ten rules when providing effective feedback to others?

What is the format of giving an "I" message in providing feedback to help others?

What are ways to build rapport with another person(s)?

Name three influencing tools you can use to persuade and influence others. 

PERSONAL SOCIAL STYLES FOUND IN TYPICAL GROUPS

When you understand what the social styles are of all members of your small group, you can learn to adapt your behaviors to that style in order to build good working relationships with each person.  This is especially critical when  styles are opposite of your own.  If you fail to do so, friction can easily occur.  When not dealt with properly, it can lead to a break down in long term working relationships.   

The four quadrant model below describes the  different personality styles found in groups.  After reading through the four descriptions, attempt to determine which best represents yourself.

Behaviors of Four Styles to Watch For When Determining Other’s Style

Analytical Behavior        Focus on facts and logic; act when payoff is clear;

and careful not to commit too quickly.

Amiable Behavior           Coach and counsel; provide support; communicate

trust and confidence.

Driver Behavior              Take charge; make quick decisions; like challenges;

and focus on results.

Expressive Behavior        Create excitement and involvement; share ideas,

dreams, enthusiasm.

NECESSARY GROUP ROLES 

In any work group, a mixture of different member roles exists.  Some groups have members that can fill one or several of these roles.  Some groups have roles that no members can fill well and have to find alternative ways to carry out those functions when needed. 

The following diagram lists the nine different roles that you or members of your group need to play in carrying out their goals and action plans as they meet together.

DESCRIPTIONS OF ROLES

ADVISING:          Gathering and distributing information 

INNOVATING:     Creating and experimenting with ideas

PROMOTING:     Seeking and presenting opportunities

DEVELOPING:     Assessing and developing ideas

ORGANIZING:     Planning systems and procedure 

PRODUCING:      Progressing and delivering outputs

INSPECTING:      Checking and auditing outputs

MAINTAINING:   Upholding and enhancing quality and providing infrastructure support

LINKING:             Helps to link team members with different roles together to make sure team members are kept up-to-date, people’s problems are responded to, keeps balance within the team, sees that work is allocated based on team member capabilities, that respect and understanding among team members is maintained, that high quality standards are in place, helps stretch targets so that the team continues to improve, coordinates and represents team members, and involves the right members in problem-solving and decision making of key issues.  

APPLICATION EXERCISE 

Directions: Read through the following table that describes in detail the nine roles, major characteristics of each, and general behavior that you would see of a group member playing that role. After reviewing the table, think of a group that you were part of in your past and the persons that matched the role(s).  Where did you fall in fulfilling any of these roles for the group?

SUMMARY OF GROUP ROLES

What Should Your Team Do If No Group Member Can Fill One of the Roles Needed?

The following are suggested action to consider when you find that there’s no group member skilled enough to fill one of the nine roles:

·        See that training and work experiences is planned for at least one of your group members.

·        Use a person outside of your group to assist when the role is required.

·        Utilize a member of leadership if they have the skill needed.

·        Ask for a group member with the skill to perform the role from another group.

KNOWLEDGE CHECK    (After reading the question, try to answer it before looking at the written answer below it)

Q-1.   What is the best style of the four personality styles?

A-1.   There’s no one best style.  Each group member’s different style brings something that the group needs.

Q-2.   What does it mean to be task oriented?

A-2.   Task oriented is a person who enjoys providing the group with good technical information and data.  They do their homework, push the group to set high standards and use resources wisely.  Most people see them as dependable, although believe at times, that they may get to bogged down in details or data.  They do not see the big picture or the need for positive group climate. 

Q-3.   What does it mean to be a goal oriented group member?

A-3.   It’s members that see the vision, mission or goal of the group as paramount.  They are flexible and open to new ideas, willing to pitch in and work outside their defined role and are able to share the limelight with other group members.  People see them as a big-picture person but they believe at times they may fail to periodically revisit the mission.  Often they do not give enough attention to the basic group tasks and overlook the individual needs of other group members.

BASIC COMMUNICATION SKILLS 

This next section deals with mastery in interpersonal communications.

"God gave us two ears and one mouth, that is why we should listen twice as much as we talk."

"Only 2-3 percent of Americans are good listeners."  To become an effective communicator, really work on becoming a better listener.  It does wonders in relationship building.

GIVING FEEDBACK

Feedback is a way of making others aware of a behavior you perceive and how that behavior is affecting you.  Here are some useful rules of feedback:

1.     Make feedback descriptive rather than evaluative.  Describe the behavior you perceive and its effect on you.  Don't try to evaluate or imagine their reason for the behavior.

Descriptive example: "When I was talking you were tapping your foot and I found it hard to concentrate on what I was saying."

Evaluative example: "You were deliberately tapping your foot to distract me."

2.     Make feedback specific rather than general.  Making general statements often leaves people wondering what you mean.

Specific example: "Your clothes are wrinkled and dirty.

     General example: "You're sloppy."

3.     Make sure feedback is directed toward a behavior that the person can do something about.

4.     Make sure that what you have said is understood.  Ask the person to tell you their basic understanding of what you have said. 

5.     Make feedback well-timed.  Feedback that is given to a person soon after an incident, reaches that person while the incident is fresh in their mind. 

6.     Don't bombard a person with more than they can handle at a given time.  It is easier for a person to deal with and accept  a few items than to receive a lot of feedback at one time.  If that limit is exceeded, the whole session may be a waste of time because the person(s) receiving feedback will often start feeling defensive. 

7.     Feedback that is asked for is more useful and accepted by a person(s) than feedback that is imposed on them.  If a person has not asked for feedback and you feel some feedback is needed, you might say something like, "John, you haven't asked for it but I have some feedback for you."  This lets the person know that you have some feedback for them and gives them the option to ask for the feedback. 

8.     The receiver of the feedback has the option of checking out feedback with others to find out if they have seen the same behavior. 

9.     Make feedback directed to not directed about a person.  Talk to and look at the person(s) you are giving the feedback to.  Don't talk around a person(s) or behind their back. 

10. Own your own feedback by saying "I", not we.  Let others speak for themselves, don't speak for them. 

Note:  If your intent is to punish or "get even", your feedback will be ineffective.  Don't give feedback unless you are willing to stay with the person(s) and help them work it through to resolution.  Feedback is a way to help another person  be more effective, it is not a sanctioned way for you to meet your needs to "square others away". 

USE "I" MESSAGES

"I" messages are a means by which you can tell another person(s) what their behavior is and how the behavior is affecting you.  Three basic rules for how to send an "I" message are:

1.     Describe "specific" behavior 

          Tell the person(s) exactly what you see, hear, etc., but do not judge and/or evaluate their behavior. 

Example: "Mary, I see that you knocked over the bookcase as you walked by, and left it that way." 

Not: "Mary, you deliberately (judging) knocked over that bookcase because you are angry at me (evaluating her reason)."

2.     Express how you feel about it (not think)

Tell the person(s) how you feel about their behavior, your gut level reaction, i.e., frightened, angry, nervous, frustrated, proud, happy, glad, excited, etc., but not what you think about their behavior.  It works best if you can share the underlying fear or threat rather than the instant anger.

          Example: "I feel frightened."

          Not: "I feel you should not do that (thinking)".

3.  State the "tangible" effect 

Tell the person(s) how their behavior will affect you and others if it continues.  Don't tell them how it may affect them; in other words, don't threaten them. 

          Example:  "Others might trip over the bookcase and hurt themselves". 

          Not:  "If you don't pick it up, you're going to be in big trouble." 

4.       Format to use when giving "I" message 

          "Bob, when you (Behavior), I felt (Emotion), because (Impact)."

Note:  "I" messages should be quick and simple and not in the form of a lecture. 

ACTIVE LISTENING 

"I" messages must always be followed by active listening to work through any defensiveness caused by the "I" message.  Active listening involves the use of paraphrasing in order to get the major points or "chunks" of information the other person is attempting to communicate.  When paraphrasing, a "miss" is as good as a "hit"…the other person will correct your perceptions if they are inaccurate.  When active listening, the listener must listen not only to the content of the message but also the emotions involved or to the messages that are not stated.  A response directed toward the emotion may trigger a deeper response back from the person who sent the message in the beginning. 

FOUR CRITICAL SKILLS/ABILITIES IN INFLUENCE

There are four areas critical for focus in order to better understand the process of influencing skills in communications.  (1) Getting Ready, (2) Building Rapport, (3) Gathering High Quality Information, (4) Influencing Techniques. 

GETTING READY 

It is important to think about what outcomes you hope to achieve and how you plan to achieve them when you are interfacing with another person.  Mentally prepare your self by reviewing what you know about the other person, his problem or perceived problem, the area that could affect the possible solution, his/her potential role, your potential role and what possible support you might have to assist you in your effort to help.  In other words, be clear about your outcomes, have sensory awareness, that is, pay attention to all data present, and be flexible.

BUILDING RAPPORT

There are a number of tools designed to assist in rapport building.  Representational systems provide us insight in how a person frames their unique experience and offers us an opportunity to enter the world of the person with whom we are communicating.  For example, there are five ways we gather information; sight, hearing, feeling, smells, and tastes.  All of us use all of these ways to gather information but we will tend to favor one method over the rest because it is easier and more comfortable to operate in one mode.  As a communicator, paying attention to how a person accesses information greatly accelerates the process of building rapport.  Here are some examples of words used by persons when they communicate.  A high usage of a specific mode indicates a preference for that mode.  An effective communicator can switch to that mode and "link-up" with the recipient.  Remember that you have three modes of communicating with a person: that of verbal, written and modeling.  It is important to use all three to ensure that your message is received and can be acted on.

MATCH REPRESENTATIONAL SYSTEMS

One of the basic rules of this communication skill model is that all on-going experience must consist of some combination of each of our representational systems.  The five perceptual modes are: (1) Vision (sight), (2) Audition (hearing), (3) Olfaction (smell), (4) Gestation (taste), and (5) Kinesthesis  (body sensations) which can be tactile (physical) or visceral (emotion).  Matching systems is a way of building rapport and learning which system the speaker is using.  For example, as a listener, you can discern what portion of experience a person is representing consciously by paying attention to the process words used.  Such words usually specify a process of seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling or tasting.  The following are some examples of such process words:

UNSPECIFIED

Process words that do not indicate any of these sense bases of experience are unspecified.  That is, they are unspecified as to just how the process is being represented - whether in pictures, smells, feelings, or sounds.  Some examples of unspecified predicates are:

think            learn            change                  consider

know           nice             respectful              remember

understand   intuitive        trusting                  believe

OTHER ACCESSING CUES

(Watching other person's eyes as they process what you say to them will tip you off to using the type of words that match the way that they internalize information - whether they are visual, auditory, or kinesthetic thinkers - watch if their eyes go up, stay horizontal or look down as you are talking to them)

Here are other accessing cues which will assist you in establishing rapport: 

Breathing:

shallow, high in chest or cessation……….visual

deep, low in abdomen…………………….kinesthetic

even in whole chest or diaphragm,

prolonged exhalation…………………….auditory

Muscle Tone:

tension in shoulders and abdomen………..visual

increased movement………………………kinesthetic

muscles relaxed……………………………kinesthetic

even tension; slightly rhythmic

movement………………………………….auditory 

Voice Tempo:

quick bursts of words, fast…………………visual

slow, with pauses…………………………..kinesthetic

even, rhythmic……………………………..auditory 

Voice Tone:

high pitched, nasal, strained……………….visual

low, deep tonality, breathing voice………..kinesthetic

clear, precise, resonant…………………….auditory

Skin Color:

waning or paling…………………………..visual

flushing, fuller color………………………kinesthetic 

Voice calibration in terms of tone, volume, tempo and pitch are just as important as the other rapport building techniques. 

Pacing 

Pacing is a technique to build rapport.  Pacing essentially involves incorporating aspects of another's external behavior into your own.  It is the process of going to their model of the world.  By approximating another person's stance, tone, posture, and gestures you are more likely to develop a comfortable and open/accepting climate.  Generally it is much more effective to use the processes that they have developed for themselves rather than try to impose your own on them. 

Pacing is the technique of matching the other person's body language.  For example, if a person slouches when you are communicating with them, you also slouch.  If they gesture with only one arm, you use only one arm.  If they frown or smile a lot, you frown or smile a lot.  The idea is to show them a "mirror" of themselves as they are communicating.  Breathing at the same rate as the other person is a powerful way to build rapport since it addresses rapport at the primal level.     

Matching all or some of these accessing cues when communicating with another person will enhance the opportunity for you to establish and maintain rapport.

INFLUENCING TOOLS

Influencing tools are the heart of persuasion and the ability to influence another person.  Influencing tools are different from pacing or matching in that after rapport has been established, it is necessary to begin to attempt to establish outcomes you wish to achieve.  The following techniques are offered as a means to assist you in effectively influencing others.

Leading:  Is the process of establishing rapport with another person, establishing rapport to such a degree that if you change your body position or tonal input, the person will change  their body position or tonal input in order to match your behavior.  Being able to lead a person is your way of knowing exactly when that person is communicating with you that subconsciously they are willing to be persuaded or influenced.  It is at this time the communicator conveys his outcomes to the receiver.  The greatest possible chance for change occurs if the receiver communicates that he/she is willing to be led.

Achoring:  When the communicator goes for the outcomes and those outcomes are being realized, anchoring i.e. touch can be a powerful way of locking in outcomes.  For example, when a receiver indicates that he/she is accepting input, the communicator can touch the receiver and the touch in conjunction with the outcomes are than locked into the subconscious of the receiver.  Any time after that, the communicator can simply touch the receiver in the same place and elicit the same outcomes that were programmed before.  Anchoring can be accomplished either visually,

auditorially or kinesthetically but it is always more powerful and long lasting if the anchoring is done kinesthetically. 

Futuring:  When working with another person, futuring can be an important technique to use to validate intentions and desired outcomes.  Asking change model questions will enable you to frame a desired state for yourself and the other person.  This will enable you to greatly increase your chances for success.  When the person is clear about the desired outcomes and understands the processes you will use to achieve those outcomes he/she is going to feel better about allowing you to do what you need to do in order to help him/her. 

Note:  More detailed strategies to influence others on your ideas will be covered in a later lesson.  These influencing strategies are based on how the person or group you are trying to persuade assesses your competence about the subject and the level of trust you have with them.    

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